There’s no place like a back porch..

Like whoa!

So the weather in Seattle has all of the sudden turned… to springy summery stuff. The sun is finally here, glad it could make it.

I’m trying out this little trick on how to make my pedicure look like its lasting but not really. I bought the same color from my last pedicure and my plan is to paint the ragged looking toes when I feel inspired. Basically, some of my toes will look all nice and some will like kind of haphazord but either way, all will be painted! But yeah, China Glaze Ruby Pumps is like wearing ruby red slippers on your toes… if I click them 3 times does it instantly put me on the back porch with a glass of wine or mead, no.

I’ve decided that life is sort of like the Wizard of Oz in a bizzaro fucked up way. I felt like things were just kinda gray and blah for a while and then I had a few years of fucked-uppery, it felt like a damn whirlwind! Then I finally landed with my feet on the ground, minus the dead witches. The wicked witch some how became the easier to get along with witch. Life be came clearer and things made more sense. I started to follow the right path in life and if I stuck to that path things kinda went well, they seem to get easier every month. Every so often I meet some strange characters along the way, shit I’m still meeting these people! The moment I decide to not really stick to the path things get a sticky, but lately I seem to know the quickest way back to the path. I’m starting to wonder where the Emerald City is, they say its Seattle but I’m seriously not to sure about that. Oh, and there are no flying monkeys. There seem to be plenty of crabbys and energy suckers trying to hit me with their bad apples but, I’m pretty good at ducking these by now. Oh yeah, and there isn’t a wizard.

Let it go.

Why is letting go so hard?

I’m my life I’ve let go of a lot..or come to terms with things being what they are… mostly an awful heart break, issues with my mom, bad medical guidance, and nasty abusive stuff. When I finally let these items go, I stopped crying over them. These items were huge and consumed my thoughts way more than I like to admit, this was a huge bit of my self-created suffering.

I’m so proud of myself for letting go of these things that were so huge to me… But then comes the little things… the insurance adjuster who like to talk to me like I’m 10 and interrupts me but likes to tell me to let her finish talking when I try to finish what I was saying. or the lab tech who messed up my Celiac test. or the medical office that insists that I only paid half of my co-pay (which has been the same for almost 8 years) but since I don’t have a receipt and paid cash, I can’t prove I’m right.

I find it sad that we so easily forget some of the great experiences and remember the ones that have created us pain or discomfort.

This is me, trying to let go of the negativity and savor the awesomeness!

Cha cha cha changes!

Look at this yummy bowl of stuff I made for lunch!

• 1/3 cup red quinoa
• 2/3 cup water
• hand full of washed and trimmed brussels sprouts, halved and sautéed in some EVOO and cayenne
• 1 tbsp tahini
• 1 tbsp Tapatío sauce
• 1 tsp olive oil

So I’m changing my ways, again. I’ve been inspired by strange things, again. It has to do with being healthy, again.

(This post might be long, but no one reads my blog anyway.)

So. I went to Napa and Oregon and had a wonderful time. I gained 5 pounds in 2 weeks but was okay with it because I had limited exercise, lots of great beer and wine, and consumed a lot of bread.  I cut out the bread again and lost the 5 pounds. Since I have returned home, mind you this was August, I have been trying to be wheat free. I feel better without wheat… no bloating, no painful gas, and my skin seems to look the best it has looked a long time. I feel lighter, even when the scale says I’m not.

Since I’ve been home I’ve also gone on crazy walks, done lots of stretching and did one session of my Pilates DVD. Yay exercise! My back loves it when I have my crap together and exercise. But, the weather has started to turn and it has been on and off rainy. Oh Seattle, sometimes you make me wonder why I love you… What is one to do for exercize when walking in the rain bums you out?

So. Where does this leave me? Um, I guess it leaves me to using google reader and reading about other people and their lives and clicking on their links and winding up at Heather Eats Almond Butter. Heather is truly beautiful and looks so healthy and radiant! She seemed to have this love for kabocha squash, oats, and almond butter. I added her to google reader and looked forward to her posts. She too is a massage therapist, although she still does it professionally I don’t.

Okay, and her is the bit about Weight Watchers and how I’m not sure on where to go from here. I joined Weight Watchers in May of 2008 at a ripe weight of 230. Right away I lost weight, I was stoked. The program really worked. But I was a slow weight loser. I also gained a few times. It is now November 2009. I’m so sick of counting points. I’ve learned so many things. I’ve changed my BMI to overweight instead of obese. I discovered last year, after gaining 8 pounds and caving, I really enjoy the meetings and my leader. For a while, I was obsessed with weight loss. But now, I’m sort of over it and want to be more fit and lean. I’m 31 and I feel beautiful but I need to eat better and focus my energy on something else now.

Hmm. So I’m looking at these blogs about all these amazing healthy people who look fantastic and do yoga a few times a week. Hey, I can do that! I can do yoga in my spare room in the basement. I can be lean if I do Pilates a few times a week? Sweet. I can eat a bunch of oats for 2 points instead of a packet of oatmeal with extra shit in it that I don’t need for 2 points? I can roast any sort of veggie I want! I can buy all this amazing food at a discount, be in the kitchen and make myself healthier, too! I don’t want to join a gym again, but I can stop at the community center and work out on their equiptment for $3 when I choose? All these great resources are around me, but sometimes I guess it takes a bit for this to click.

Maybe this all started when I decided I was going to give up bread and wheat after vacation. Or maybe I’m bored. Maybe I feel better knowing winter is on it’s way and am looking for motivation to stay busy. Either way, I think I like where it is going.  And after having this thing not work out with our new dog, I’m happy to have a focus just up ahead.

So back to the whole Weight Watchers thing… I’ve decided to eat the way I feel like I should be eating. No soy, no wheat, less sugar, less coffee, more grains, more tea. I’ll walk my crazy walks when I can. I’ll work out at the community center once a week. I’ll do yoga and Pilates at home. I’ll track points and still a Weight Watchers member for the next 2 months.  But, I won’t stress about my grains being high in points. I won’t stress that 1 tablespoon of almond butter is 2 points. I’ll eat when I’m hungry. I’ll eat better meals. I’ll eat less crap. I’ll eat less sugar. I’ll track points and weigh in every week, but not freak about my points.

Cha cha changes!

Thank you.

In a world of high tech… emails, texts, voice mails and wall postings…

I truly believe that writing out a hand written thank you shows so much more appreciation.

After going on vacation and going on wonderful trade tours and tastings, I’m sending out thank you notes. Cute little cards with hard written babble in each one. I’m very grateful for anything people are willing to show, teach or offer me. I also believe that a small little jester made by a small little person like me shows that the company/group I work for really does care and appreciates the businesses we work with.

Speaking of this, I need to plan the little Christmas cards I plan on giving to my vendors and the people I work directly with. A crazy little stamping project with papers is rattling around in my head.

Thank you can be the greatest thing to come out of anyone’s mouth, yet I feel it isn’t used enough.

Its official.

From this day forward, I’m buying beer.

And its for work.

Really!

The guy who was the beer buyer at work, he’s gone. His last day was yesterday. He is currently on a plane to Japan and when he returns, he is there moving back to California to go to school.

I’m pretty much done being the back up for someone else… I’m going to be the beer and wine back up and I’m pretty excited about it.

I have so much to learn! But, I can’t wait!

I guess technically this starts tomorrow, I have the day off.

Oh money, when will you quit…

Kevin is finally done working in Vancouver! Home last night! No leaving Sunday night. Thank god.

I got paid yesterday. I bought the new MAC scent Naked Honey. It smells of honeysuckle and jasmine. I’m in love! It makes me feel sexy and summery. I usually try to stay out of the MAC store.  Since I hadn’t popped in in a while, I figured what the hell. I’m glad I did because this is limited product and they only had 3 left. I’ll be sad when it is gone… but by then summer will probably be over and I’ll want something else.

Speaking of getting paid. I’m really baring down and trying so hard to get stuff paid off or down. I finally paid off the stuff I had put on my mom’s Nordstroms account. Man, I love my sunglasses, the 4 or so pairs of shoes I bought, the really expensive bra that no longer fits, the cords that make my butt look great, the makeup and makeup brushes and whatever other things that amounted to a lot of nothing, but what a waste of money. Not that I think it was all a waste, but the reality is if I don’t have the actual money to pay for it at that very moment I probably can live without it.

After I take the trip to Napa the plan is to save, save, save. I really would like to buy a new laptop. I also would really like to do the tattoo idea I have floating in my head. I’m look at $2k to do those 2 things. I want to have money in the bank. I have more money coming in than I ever have before, I think I’m spending it pretty wisely… finally.

I have started over my accounts with Microsoft Money. I was downloading the info from Bank of America because it was supposed to be faster and more helpful… yeah, it made a complete mess and made it look like I was over drawn by $5oo twice a month. Um, nope, actually not at all.

I love being an adult. I love not having children. I love getting out of debt. I love plans for the feature.

I <3 my few gray hairs.

I’ve decided that my mom worries about my gray hairs more than I do. She seems to bring them up whenever I see her.

I have a feeling she frets over them so much because it reminds her that I’m the one that is going to be 31 and shes 52.

I honestly don’t care to dye them because I couldn’t be bothered with the upkeep of dying my hair.

Life is good.

Wow.

So I had today off. I was called and asked if I wanted to work overtime. I said no. I think my boss was a bit crushed but nope, I didn’t want to. I had/have chores today and had a date with my dog at the park. I was supposed to be off on Monday but swapped days off for today. I needed my day off.

Later while basking in the sun, chilling in my back yard…. I was petting the dog and said “life is good.”

Yes.

Out loud.

Like those cheesy shirts that you can find at REI or outdoorish type sporting good store.

If you would have told me a year ago that I’d be much happier and relaxed in a years time, I would have laughed. If you would have told me I’d be more relaxed about money, I would have laughed. If you would have said I’d enjoy being 30, I’d have laughed too.

I guess I’ve figured out some stuff this year. I’ve learned. I’ve realized attitude is really important. I’ve realized the only one I can change is myself. But the best part is, I’ve learned this all on my own.. No classes, no self help books, no serious talks with mom. All has fallen into place and then fell into my lap.

I like it.

I still have no idea where I’m going in life. But I feel great about it.